Burn them all

Early meeting today, so had to get the 07:19 (not too bad – managed to get a seat) and take the tube from Lancaster Gate – rather than my usual walk down to Queensway.

A combination of getting into Paddington (at least we actually got into Paddington) and the second degree lazy commuters all walking to Lancaster Gate (as opposed to the first degree, who lurch to the Hammersmith and City Line at Paddington) resulted in me having to interact with my nemesises (what the hell is plural for nemesis? Nemesi? Nemesones?)

You know who I’m talking about right?

  • Nemesis 1: Phone zombies. Weaving all over the pavement as they WhatsApp their “friends” or continuing to watch the videos that they were annoying people with on the train. I mean. Honestly. Are people so dull that they have to watch last night’s TV whilst walking in public?
  • Nemesis 2: ANC tossers. Inhabiting a world entirely of their own. (Often combined with Nemesis 1)
  • Nemesis 3: Wheelie laptop bag owners. Bell-ends. Complete and utter bell-ends. If you’re so physically weak, that you need to tow a two-pound laptop like a dog on a lead, then how do you manage to put your own shoes on? And why the fark do you have to wheel the bloody thing at arm’s length, so that you consume the entire width of the pavement.

I generally tolerate 2) and 3), but have a habit of walking headlong into 1) to see if I can get them to drop their precious device. Although 2) is often prone to having their ankles clipped if they start weaving too.

Today though, I met the uber-nemesis -with extra trimmings; An alpha-twat in too-short trousers and Primarni shoes, dragging a laptop, watching the “footie” on his phone whilst ensconced in the world of ANC.

I barged him into a lamp post.

Yes. I am proud of myself.

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