Author Archives: Kevin James

And I said it would never happen

Henley station 06:55 – past the second lamp-post and opposite a wisp of dead plant that grows vertically up the fence opposite. 

Train arrives and door to disabled carriage opens directly in-front of me.

(If it’s two carriages rather than the standard three, then about a metre to the left of the last support pillar of the station roof)

Get to Twyford as 07:19 is pulling in and stright across to the last carriage to get the back seat on one of the two tables (usually the North one)

Baby with crying toddler or Asian bloke facing me two seat in-front

By Ealing Broadway, weird bloke who laughs outloud at whatever he is listening to, mother and daughter (mother works in a hospital), fat wheezing Asian and Asian woman who always drops things will have joined me.

Paddington turn left to the stairs, up and out and to Praed Street.

Turn right and go to Queensway – as it’s quieter than Lancaster Gate.

Left along the platform on the right-hand side of the second to last poster so that doors will open in-front of me.

Let two tubes go past as they are rammed.

Third tube is usually half-empty.

If I can’t get a seat, then stand between the seats near a young person (they get off at Bond Street) or Oriental oldies (they get off at Oxford Circus or Tottenham Court Road)

Sit down.

Rinse. Repeat. 

Five times a week.

Right ….

That’s farking it.

It’s been a bugbear of mine since “Friends” was on UK telly, but people saying

“Can I get a [insert something normal here]”

Just need bloody birching.

Fark off you pseudo-american-chav-faux-posh-brainless-twats

Motiv to Google Fit

MotivGoogle Fit
25/01/2019561010049Forgot to wear ring

Interesting eh. There’s an average difference between the two of 13.27% so, for the moment, I’ve updated the formula in Google Data studio to reflect the real value.