atomicvindaloo.com – the occasionally drunken ramblings of an urban philosopher

nearly eight

Ξ March 31st, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Uncategorized |

God bless America

Ξ March 24th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Canada, Life |

I’m sure that there are gazillions of other posts like this out there on t’internet but ……..

Just where in the hell do American border guards get off?

I’m pretty sure that getting into the Soviet Union pre the downfall of the Iron Curtain was easier than crossing from Canada to Buffalo.

Firstly, there’s the attitude. Every other country I’ve been to – even Gatwick at five in the morning – the security folks, whilst trying to look shrewd, are armed with “How can I help you?” The in-bred halfwit that we encountered at the border gate though was 100% “Why the fark should I do anything for you?” He was actively pissed off that we weren’t Muslims, smugglers or toting AK-47s – anything to give him a chance to start pumping lead in our general direction.

Secondly, the brains. Or the total lack of. This was clearly an individual who had failed the “this is how you flip a burger” test. After exhausting his list of reasons of why we might be Al-ky-hee-dar, he had to radio over to Duane II to come up with a reason to pull us in. Duane II was clearly slightly brighter and managed to come up with a reason – wait for it – Dad crosses the border reasonably frequently.

Yes, that was why we got pulled over and had to start filling in forms. Because they have no issue with Dad going into the States, they’ve got an issue. That’s persecution of the right.

Lastly, what are they actually trying to protect? Forgive me the denizens of the place but – to be brutally frank- Buffalo is a bloody armpit. It’s a gentle vista of rotting heavy industry and depression. They even have the cheek to show posters of Niagra Falls – and you’d need a bloody long neck to see the images that they show.

So Duane. This post is for you. It’s for you portraying an entire country as a bunch of w@nkers and for slowly driving the entire tourism industry elsewhere.

I kept my green “you’re allowed into America” card. Not because I’m going to frame it, but because it’s meant to be valid for three months – meaning I won’t have to jump through hoops again to get into North Carolina. At least, that’s what it says on the card. Reality? Let’s wait until May to find out.

So I succumbed …

Ξ March 10th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Me, Site |

… sue me. I’ve started twittering – these posts should appear on twitter, and my tweets should appear on the site. Makes it easier for Jules and kids to follow me in Canada.